I'm hungry. Let me go to the kitchen to see what I can eat. Hmmm... let's see. I feel like eating instant noodles. Now I feel the dire need to impress my mom. I'm feeling bold. Let's make pasta. From scratch.
Open up the box. Where is the pasta kept? Okay... found it. It's in the box with sugar. Okay... nice.
Which type of pasta is this? Doesn't look like spaghetti is available. Ooooh! It's the butterfly pasta. The authentic name is farfalle. Cool.
Read the instructions. A 10-minute cook?! I've become too used to instant noodles. Keep the water to boil. Check. I'm going to add salt. Let's add olive oil. Is it extra virgin olive oil? No? No worries, it’s inappropriate to judge anyway. Let me just use what I have.
There is a layer of oil on the water. It looks like an emulsion. I am reminiscing about my chemistry lab experiments. I added salt. Will it take more time to boil now? Yes, adding impurities increases the boiling point. Dang, it! It will take longer to boil now. Although, the oil layer prevents evaporation from happening, and hence the water boils more quickly. So, I'm good. Why am I thinking so much about my academic courses?
The water is boiling! Great! I'm going to add the pasta in. How much did I add? I didn't measure. Who cares anyway? It's pasta, it's yummy. I'll finish it all up.
Now we wait till the pasta is cooked al dente. What does ‘al dente’ mean? They always say it on the cooking shows. I'll Google it up. Ah! It means almost done. Alright. I can do this.
Wait a second. Where is the apron? I must wear it. It makes me look good. Plus, it feels like I'm doing something substantial. Tied it on. Awesome. I feel invincible. No wonder Superman wears a cape. It just gets you in the mood.
Cooking the pasta is taking a lot of time. What should I do meanwhile? I'll get started on the dressing. That's a good idea. Two green chilies. Seven to eight cloves of garlic. Let me chop-chop this. Should I add something more? I don't want it to be bland. I'm going on a scavenger hunt. Where are the veggies? No mushrooms, no capsicum? Mom has entered the kitchen. Mockingly suggested the use of brinjal in pasta. The request is politely declined. Coriander! Yes! I'll add that to the dressing. Do we have mint leaves? That’d be nice! No? Okay, I'll just make do with what we have. Optimum use of resources.
I need to find the mixer-grinder. I want a fine paste of the coriander, garlic, and chili. Found it! Wait. It has something in it. Oh, mom used it earlier to make a fennel paste. I'm removing it in a bowl and keeping it in the fridge. I need to rinse the mixing bowl. Should I wash it? I don't want the flavor of the fennel in my dressing. Never mind, rinsing is good enough. Wiped it with a plaid washcloth.
Putting all the ingredients in the mixing bowl. Fitted the bowl firmly on the grinder. Murmured a silent prayer. Turned the knob, kinda shut my eyes. Stop. Nothing is happening. Why is something not happening? Oh, shoot! Forgot to plug it in. Genius. Now I’ll try again. Turning the knob to low and voila! It's not so bad. Could roll with this. It's a little dry. Adding some drops of water. Grind away again. Perfect. I like this. I'm having fun. This is boosting my confidence. I want to be in Masterchef now. As one of the judges of course, not the participants. Duh, I'm already an accomplished human.
Oh no!... the pasta is boiling over. Rush there! Phew! Saved it in time. I can now spot the analogy between capes and aprons... possibly even firefighting hoses. Keep the gas on low flame. Oh, goody! The pasta is almost done. Turn off the gas.
Let me drain it now. Where is the mesh drainer? Found it. Done draining.
The dressing still seems a bit too ordinary. I want to jazz it up a bit. I'll dice an onion. Chop off the ends. Slice in two. Peel off the cover. Hold back tears. Why am I not crying yet? Is it because I'm wearing spectacles? It must be the cape apron. That seems right. Now for a fine dice. One-piece down. The next done too. Now I'm crying. Why am I crying after everything is done? Achoo! I need a paper towel. Immediately. That feels better. I should wipe my tears.
*FLASHBACK*
Big Bro: For my chef training internship they made me cut ten kilos
of onions.
Me: Wow! Really? You didn't cry?
Big Bro: I did a bit. I didn't wipe the tears though. If you wipe
them, a lot more start dripping down.
*BACK TO PRESENT DAY*
No, I'm not wiping tears. I've got people to make proud.
I need a saucepan. Found one. This will do. I need to wash this. I can't escape. Okay. Green scrubber, yellow liquid soap, abracadabra! Tada! Looks spick and span. I can see my face in it now. I'm gorgeous, not the pan. Actually both.
Where did I keep the olive oil? I'll heat the pan first. Found the oil. Why won't it open? Ugh, grease! Yeah, friction is a thing in real life. Do you hear that, physics textbooks? It’s a thing! I'll use my apron. Yippee! It opened. How much do I put in? Heck, why does it matter? I'm feeling generous. Should I have put in butter? No need. I can tell people this is healthy. Speaking of which, where is that chocolate bar? I want to munch on it.
The oil has heated. My gut feeling says so. I'm putting the onions in. This is my most favorite part. Now we 'sauté' the onions and wait for them to 'caramelize'. What scrumptious words! Truly, it builds up an appetite.
The oil is very hot. The onions are turning brown! Abort mission, ABORT MISSION! Turn off the gas. No worries, I'll just say I was aiming for a smoky flavor. I'll add in the dressing. Little spoon is helping me out. Why is this taking so much time?
*Throws spoon away. It probably fell into an abyss.*
I'll just use my hand. Much easy. No need for sophisticated equipment.
*Well, technically hands are the most sophisticated tools we use. Anyhoo...*
Yes! Now we add in the pasta. Damn! Is it too much? Is the quantity of my dressing less? Nah! I'll just mix it well. Yeah... seems enough. Light the gas.
SALT!!! I need salt. I always forget it. Where is it? Oh! This jar is labeled sugar. I'll open it. Like I presumed. It's filled with salt. Nice. So the pasta container has sugar, and the sugar container has salt. I'll add maybe half a spoon. A little more. Perfect.
I think it's done. Yum! Tastes pretty good. I need feedback though. Everything tastes delicious when I'm ravenous. I'll plate it up for mom. Wait...
*Sprinkles the Peri-Peri spice mix aggressively on the pasta.*
Aah! Nothing can go wrong now. Everybody loves Peri-Peri. At least in this house.
*Plates it up on a chic plating dish. Snaps a few pictures.*
Damn! The pasta flexes well. It definitely has better angles than me.
Mom!!! How is it? Dad? Gran...? You try it too.
(The rest of the incident is requested by the author to be kept private, in the interest of the author.)
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NOTE: I have not written this succulent while cooking because,
A. It is dangerous.
B. I can't multi-task.
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REAL RECIPE:
Ingredients:
Pasta (Of your choice.)
Coriander (Roughly chopped.)
Olive oil
Garlic cloves (Roughly chopped.)
Green chilies (Roughly chopped.)
Onions (Finely diced.)
Butter (If you want.)
Peri-Peri spice-mix (If you want.)
Water (Obviously.)
Equipment:
General-purpose vessel
Drainer
Mixer
Saucepan
Spoons
Spatula
Cutlery and plates (For eating. Or you can always use your hands. Your choice.)
Instructions:
Bring water to a boil.
Add a capful or two of olive oil.
Add a spoonful of salt.
Add the amount of pasta you want.
Chop green chilies, coriander, and garlic cloves roughly.
Grind the chilies, coriander, and garlic in a mixer. Add water as required.
When the pasta is cooked al dente, drain it.
Finely dice the onions.
Heat up three spoons of olive oil in a saucepan.
Add the onions in the oil.
Sauté the onions till they are caramelized.
Add the green chili, garlic, and coriander dressing to the pan.
Sauté.
Add the pasta. Mix well. Make sure the dressing is evenly coated.
Add salt as per taste.
Add butter. (Optional.)
Add the Peri-Peri spice mix. (Optional.)
Serve hot.
Other options:
You can also add oregano and chili flakes.
You can add mushrooms, capsicum, and other veggies.
If you like protein, you can add sausages or boneless meat.
You can add mint leaves to the dressing and grind.
You can add grated cheese to it before serving.
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